I'm thankful for...

I took a break from writing for the Thanksgiving break to enjoy the little time that I had with my family and just relax. But I do want to make a list of things that I am thankful for. In my family we have a tradition of all four of us writing what we are thankful for that year in a spiral notebook while we decorate for Christmas. This normally happens in the week after Thanksgiving. Reading back on those lists is one of my favorite things to do. We have the normal things like family and friends but we also have some funny things like sparkly clothes and wacky Christmas traditions. I wanted to make my list for you things that aren't on "normal" lists. Here we go:

1. Good pens. As a journalism student I feel like I truly appreciate a good pen when other people normally don't. It's the most annoying thing in the world to have a pen that only writes every other letter. And it always takes 5 minutes to find a new pen if you can even find one at all.
2. Puppy snuggles. Recently my friends and I have been obsessing over pictures of dogs. I JUST WANT ONE! But I can't have one because I'm a poor college student who can barely afford to feed myself let alone take care of an animal. BUT I JUST WANT THE CUDDLES! If anyone has a dog that needs a snuggle buddy I am here for you!
3. Large coffee mugs. I, along with every college kid in America, am going through finals hell currently and caffeine is the only thing that is keeping me from falling asleep while walking across campus. I don't have time for coffee mugs that hold less than a liter of coffee. 
4. Musical soundtracks that get me. There is nothing better than listening to someone belt a perfect song that just makes you feel so vindicated in your life. It doesn't matter what emotions you are feeling, there is a musical song that reflects it. Even if, for some reason, you are wanting to express how beautiful your shaving razors are (Sweeney Todd if you didn't know). To each his own. 

All silliness aside, I really am also thankful for my fabulous family and friends. I wouldn't be the dazzling, sassy person that writes to you if it wasn't for them. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving and is getting more sleep than I am! 

Stay beautiful,

Toto

Relationship Rant

I want to comment on this cultural stigma that I feel around serious dating in college and high school. I personally have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since 7th grade. We have taken a few short breaks but essentially have been together for almost 7 years. Now every time I meet someone and tell them this they have one of two reactions: But haven't you ever wanted to date someone else? How are you sure? or Then why aren't you married yet? Now both of these reactions really bother me and I'll tell you why.

Because of how young I was when I started dating my boyfriend, since about the second year I have heard from a lot of people it's in my "best interest" to date other people because it's "not healthy" to only date one person even if you're happy with them. Hearing this for years has sometimes even hurt our relationship. I am the type of person that will immediately leave a situation if I'm not happy. I don't have time to be unhappy. But hearing that there was something wrong with my relationship really messed with my head for years and led to the two break ups that we have had. What happened both times was I freaked out and ran away because I thought that this was not normal so there must be something wrong with it. In both of those break ups I hung out with but never dated other guys and always came to the conclusion that I really just wanted my boyfriend back. But people's opinions made me second guess what I felt and that's not right.

The question Why aren't you married yet? also really bothers me. Like I said before, I'm happy, why would I change anything. My boyfriend and I are still both young and figuring things out about ourselves every day. Also, we don't live in the same town currently and are on very different paths in our lives. But we still love each other and are making it work. We will probably get married younger than most people my age but that doesn't mean that once you have been dating for a certain number of years you have to get married.

My whole problem with people inserting themselves into my relationship is that they're doing just that, butting in where they don't belong. Now if this was only my family who did this it wouldn't be a problem, I ask for their opinion and they know both of us very well. But my family aren't the people saying this, it's people who don't know our history and really don't have any business trying to fit my relationship on a timeline that makes them more comfortable.

I'm not saying that my relationship is perfect, we have grown a lot over the years and made some stupid decisions. I know this was a rant but it's something that I've been thinking about a lot with some of my close friends getting into more serious relationships. I just really want people to be happy for others and accept other people's lives and decisions.

Stay beautiful,
Toto

Fall fantasies

We are getting to my absolute favorite time of year! It's the part of the year when you get a chill when you walk out of your house in the morning but you don't yet curse whatever Satan that created the cold. It's fall, people! Now fall in Austin, Texas is a very different experience than pretty much any other state or country. We don't even get below 70 degrees until November and it lasts for a very short amount of time because none of our bodies know how to react to temperatures below 40. But for that month I am the happiest person there is! Here are some reasons why fall just makes me happy:

1. Fall fashion! I am at my happiest when I am wearing a sweater, a scarf, and boots. They are just the comfiest things I ever wear. Nothing makes me happier than snuggling up under a ton of layers. Beanies are also the answer to every bad hair day. They are heaven sent.
2. Drinks! I'm the type of person that drinks hot tea, hot chocolate, and hot lattes all year round. This may seem crazy to people in August, but come November everyone is with me! Warm drinks just make me happy inside, especially Chai tea lattes, they are like crack to me. 
3. Holidays! All of the best holidays come with the fall. You have Halloween (free candy, I mean come on), Thanksgiving (I obviously love food), and immediately after that is CHRISTMAS! Which is hands down my favorite holiday. As soon as it's November 1st my roommate and I crank the Christmas carols. 
4. Weather! I live in Texas where up until late October you sweat just by walking outside, let alone walking to campus like I do everyday. Fall weather is a very welcome change to the heat that we experience the majority of the year. 

I didn't really appreciate fall and colder weather until I got older, I mean I am a Texas girl through and through and do love the heat. But all of a sudden I realize that, however brief, Autumn is my favorite season. So I hope that you all go out today in sweaters and scarves and breathe in that crisp fall air and drink a hot beverage for me! 

Stay beautiful,

Toto 

Anti-inspiration

Ok kids, I'm back! Please forgive me for ignoring you all for so long. I've had a crazy schedule that would cause some weaker than I to break down under the pressure, but not me! I just eat a lot of popcorn and try to ignore my responsibilities. It's seemed to work well enough up to this point.
But a lack of time isn't the only thing that has kept me from writing on my beloved blog in a couple of months, it's also a lack of inspiration. I desperately want to be the kind of artsy, thoughtful person that just has these deep, humorous posts flow from them, but I'm not. If I want to write something I have to actively look for a topic that inspires me, I've never just stumbled upon something.
Does this make me a bad writer? Not a true journalist? Not creative?
I like to think not. Just that I need a little bit more of a push to find a topic. I need a different type of thoughtful inspiration.
This has, ironically, inspired me to write this post about not being inspired. I feel like in the creative world, whether it's writing, singing, painting, anything, we are pushed to always be the most original and most inspired. And that pressure can be the only thing that keeps you from reaching your full potential. It's not fair to expect yourself to produce the Mona Lisa or Wuthering Heights (that's my favorite book by the way) on a regular basis or even on your first try. So I hope that if you find yourself having the same problem that I do, you don't feel discouraged. If you aren't inspired you feel stuck just try something new! Instead of trying to paint a landscape just splash some paint on a canvas and see what you can make out of it. Instead of sticking to classical choral music take a break and see if you are any good at rapping. Even if these don't prove to be fruitful experience you'll at least have fun!
I know that most of my posts seem to turn into long thing ways of saying "love yourself!" But that's all I really want any of you to get from my thoughts, just to love who you are.
However, with trying to post more often (maybe even once a week, heaven forbid I post regularly) I'm going to try to make my posts have more variety.
I hope you stick around to see how I'm going to work to evolve my blog, my voice, and myself!

Stay beautiful,
Toto

Adult-ish?

In the past week most colleges have started up again...woo hoo. With this jarring return to reality, I'm a sophomore this year, I'm once again faced with the weird feeling that I should probably be more put together than I am. I feel like most people my have a sense of what a "normal" 20 year old's responsibilities are. These may include: paying your own bills, having a firm grasp on who you are as a person, and knowing how to articulate your opinion and purpose. Now if I think about these things I get a mixed feeling.
 I do pay my own bills but I still don't feel like I do, surely I'm not actually in charge of my entire livelihood and if I'm not on top of things I could lose lights, water or (gasp) wifi! I certainly don't feel like I should be put in charge of all of these things even though I am.
When it comes to knowing who I am I know that I am lacking. I know that I'm sassy and like to think that I'm witty but outside of that it's kind of a blur of however I need to be perceived in a situation (being a personality chameleon is a topic for a different time).
For the last "responsibility" I like to think that I can concisely articulate my point, I am a journalism major it's kind of my job, but there will always be people that I just can't explain myself to for whatever reason.
Ultimately, I feel that every person, not matter what their age or occupation, can't be put in a cookie cutter maturity level. We all have things that make us giggle at inappropriate times or that we just can't wrap our heads around. You certainly meet a wide array of these people on this spectrum at college but I like to believe that it's true even when you're 50 years old.
So please remember, if you are embarrassed about not being up to the level you think you should be, STOP. There is no one, I repeat, absolutely NO ONE, that has their entire life together in every given situation. Just try your best and fake it til you make it!

Stay beautiful,
Toto

Poetry ponderings

I know that I haven't posted in a while but everything is crazy in my life right now! I just recently moved into my new house in Austin with new roommates that I love and am so excited to spend more time with. This was just another not really poem but writing that caught my eye and I wanted to share with you all.

She is made up of words that not anyone can understand;

her mind is a dictionary of sadness and heartache,

and her heart is a poetry book for the hopeless.

she is the prettiest song,

the perfect sonnet,

the most meaningful haiku,

and the longest novel. 

it takes a while to read her

seconds to love her

and a lifetime to forget her. 

A.A.

This really struck me especially starting a new school year and beginning to meet new people again. Every person is perfect in their own way; they might just take a little more time to decipher. I certainly know that I hope others keep an open mind when they meet me so it's probably time that I make an effort to do the same. Everyone can stand to be a bit more understanding and accepting! Anyways, that's my life insight for the day!

Stay beautiful,

Toto

We are family!

So this summer I've been so incredibly busy; between work, summer classes, and the topic of this post: family. Family is such a huge part of my life and I always try to make them a priority (even when I love them but don't particularly like them). However, when I say family I mean so much more than blood relatives. I think family goes so far beyond that. My definition of someone that is family is any person that you know will be by your side whenever it really counts no matter how long it's been since you've spoken. I'm extremely fortunate in my life to have a lot of people that fit into that category. Some of those are high school friends, some are college friends, and others are even family of friends.

I hope that whatever situation you are in with your genetic family, you have people like that in your life. I hope that you let down your walls and let yourself be vulnerable around people that you trust. There will always be times that you need someone to confide in and tell you that the sun will come out tomorrow (little Annie reference for my musical theatre people).

I just wanted to write this post because the past few days, even through the stress, I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have the people around me that I do. I'm so thankful to have spent all the time this summer with them that I've been able to. Don't get me wrong, I miss Austin and UT a lot and can't wait to get back. But I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with people that I normally can't see as much as I can. And I think you should do the same! No matter where you are when you read this I would like you to either text, call, or tell someone in person that they are your family and they mean a lot to you. I promise it will brighten both of your days!

Stay beautiful,
Toto

Music is therapy

This last Sunday I braved the Texas summer weather just to have a glorious music filled day at Vans Warped Tour in Dallas. This was my second year to go and let me tell you... it never disappoints! When I went last year I was with a group of 10 of my best friends (mostly guys); we went to a lot of the heavier bands that perform and were normally near the front where all of the (terrifying) moshing takes place. We also weren't the best people at planning ahead so we had one person faint from dehydration, keys and a phone were dropped down a storm drain, and we all greatly resembled lobsters at the end of the day. But let me tell you! I had a FANTASTIC time! This year was much more laid back. There were only three of us who went and there was actually a breeze for some of the day, who'd have thunk! I was much more prepared with my nearly hourly trips to the water station and I only got a minimal burn. The day was just as amazing as I remembered it being. I got to see some of my all time favorite bands perform and experience the phenomenal energy that surrounds the Warped Tour. I even got to see an audience member get pulled up on stage to sing with the band and he absolutely ROCKED IT! Dreams can come true! That's one of my favorite things about this tour all of the bands are very relaxed and down to earth. Every single one has a fan meet and greet and are generally so sweet.
Now if any of you are planning to go to the remaining locations for Warped Tour, or any other summer music festivals I have a few tips for you:
Bring a refillable water bottle. I know Warped specifically has tents where you can fill up your bottles for free.
REAPPLY SUNSCREEN. I cannot stress this enough. Putting sunscreen on once at the beginning of the day will certainly not be enough.
Bring a specific amount of cash that you are willing to spend and don't spend any more. Most places will only take cash and it's easy to spend a lot of money on band merchandise without thinking about it. If you only have $50 and no more than you can't blow all of your savings.
Ladies, don't bother to do excessive make-up. Honestly, it's all going to sweat off. Just put on some concealer and maybe eyeliner and leave it at that.

Stay beautiful,
Toto

Petty journalism

I got home from college for the summer about a week ago and was very disappointed in a newspaper article that I read in my hometown paper. It seems that the paper hadn't been the first to release some information about the local school district that they had assumed they would have the jump on. As "revenge" the paper printed an article listing the salaries of certain district employees, including the superintendent, principles, and teachers, with the headline "They make HOW much". Now along with the long list of numbers and employees, and the obviously biased headline, there was essentially no article to accompany it. There were no statistics to compare the salaries to those of similar sized schools. The readers only have the headline to process the meaning of the numbers. Now this makes me mad for several reasons. First, that is a blatant abuse of the power a newspaper has on the opinions of their readers. The article gave no comparisons or counterarguments only: this is what we think, that's what there is. Now, a lot of people are just going to trust the newspaper because the community trusts that the writers are going to supply correct, unbiased information. In this case, that obviously didn't happen. They could have simply changed the headline to: "They make ONLY how much" and the article would have been read in a completely different way because there was no other information. Second, these are educators for God's sake! If anyone deserves peak salaries it's doctors, police, and teachers! And the numbers that were being printed were far from peak salaries. Shame on this publication for suggesting that out taxpayer's money is wasted on these people that, often, spend more time with the younger generation than their own parents. They more than teach, they advise on personal problems, they comfort in difficult situations, and they encourage and inspire growth. I'm not saying the newspaper was wrong for printing the salaries, it is the public's money and we have the right to know where it's going. However, the way the information was presented cast a giant negative glare on the district with nothing to back that up. Anyway, I know this rant may seem out of the blue but as a journalism major this is something that I feel very strongly about and it makes me sick to see. Carry on with your day!

Stay beautiful,
Toto

College survival: Toto edition

I'm coming to the end of my first year at the University of Texas at Austin (HOOK EM) and let me tell you, it all feels like a blur. So I wanted to give some advice to soon to be college freshman:

• BE BOLD! You aren't going to be around the people that you've grown up with and had in the same class since kindergarten. All it takes is turning to the person sitting next to you in class and introducing yourself and who knows! You may have just met your future best friend or soul mate. Also, don't limit the people you meet to the normal "type" of person you're friends with. Branch out! It's amazing the things you'll learn about yourself and the world just from meeting different kinds of people. The amount of times I've been passing someone and wanted to compliment them on something they were wearing is crazy. And after every time I wish I had.
• Still call your parents! Yeah, yeah, I know, "But I'm a grown up now! I don't need to call my mommy!" Yes. You do. I'm not saying sit in your room every night chatting with them instead of meeting other people (see above tip). Just check in with them every week or so. It will make the very abrupt and weird change from seeing each other everyday to seeing them every few months much easier for everyone involved. 
• No matter what town your college is in, get off campus sometimes! I happen to live in the beautiful, vibrant town of Austin, Texas and I didn't do this nearly enough. It's so easy to just do things on campus because there's always something going on. However, you should always experience the place where you live. There's always new, exciting things to do right outside the university walls!
• In between all of the events, campus and otherwise, that you'll be doing; make time for yourself! College is stressful! If you don't have a night for just you, Netflix, and a large pizza you will go crazy. It's so important to not run yourself down because if you do that then nothing will get done and you won't enjoy the crazy experience that is college. 

That's all the wisdom (that's right I said wisdom) that I have for you lucky incoming freshman. Honestly, just be true to yourself and you'll be fine. College is supposed to fun behind all of that studying.

XOXO
Toto

Better the world, starting with you

I found this on Pinterest and it really touched me, so I thought I would share it with all of you lovely people!

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living,

I want to know what you ache for. 

It doesn't interest me how old you are,

I want to know if you're willing to risk looking a fool for love,

for your dreams,
for the adventure of being alive.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine.
It doesn't interest me where you live or how rich you are
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and be sweet to the ones you love.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and
truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments of your life.

-Oriah

Please take a moment everyday, whether it's right after you wake up or while you lay in bed waiting to sleep, to remember that how we judge ourselves should be based not on "status" but on how you treat others. Strive to be the person that your present or future children will be proud to look up to. 

I know this post was kind of serious but all this studying for finals has got me looking for inspirational quotes daily to get through the day! 

Stay beautiful; inside and out,

Toto

The woman, the myth, the mystery?

I realize I haven't had time to post recently despite my promise to try and do so regularly. My apologizes, college is hard folks! So in my (little late) post today I would like to properly introduce myself to you, the internet and its people. So here...we...go!!!

If you ask anyone who truly knows me, one of the first traits they would list about me is my sassiness. It's a burden and a blessing let me tell you. I like to think of myself as an honest person and I generally don't respect others who don't try to be the same. However, accompanying my sassafrass is my biting sarcasm (thanks Mom and Dad). So, even though I say I try to be honest, you should always be wary that I might simply be pulling your leg for my own amusement...sue me.

Moving on, my largest claim to nerdiness in my life is when it comes to theatre (yes, I'm one of the obnoxious people who spell it that way).  Ask me about almost any musical and a few plays, I'm trying to expand my knowledge of those, and I can rant on for hours about the background, themes, and even sing the show for you. I get visibly excited when anyone brings up musicals and it can sometimes be embarrassing. Some of my favorite musicals that I've seen are: Wicked (obviously); Promises, Promises; In the Heights; The Addams Family; and American Idiot. Some of the musicals I've been in: Little Shop of Horrors, Crystal; The Drowsy Chaperone, Mrs. Tottendale; Beauty and The Beast, Belle.

Related to my musical obsession is the fact that I sing: All. The. Time. Really, I'm not kidding. I'm singing while I write this even (Sara Bareilles songs are my jam). Singing is just something I do in every situation. It compliments a happy mood, it either makes better or emphasizes a bad mood, and there is nothing better to do when you're sad than sing a powerful ballad. One of my little known talents is that I can associate almost any line of dialogue to a song. It's a gift, what can I say.

Traveling is also a huge part of my life. I was fortunate enough to live in Nagoya, Japan for three years when I was younger. I have since traveled to Australia, Italy, Guam, and Saipan among many cities within the U.S. I always find other cultures fascinating and I have never understood people who have no desire to see the outside world. My ideal next travel location is either India or England (all donations are greatly appreciated, just saying).

Ok, I feel like I've ranted on about myself enough. I hope you've enjoyed your trip to the inner mind of Tori Townsend, please visit the souvenir shop on the way out.

XOXO
Toto

Stress express

With midterms currently going on and spring finals looming in the distance I just would like to touch on the stress that every college student feels right now. One bonding experience every university student shares no matter what school, what major, or what age is the sometimes crippling feeling of defeat from tests and studying.

We are of a generation that has been spoon fed success. We have always been told that we are good enough and have had things tailor made for us to achieve. High schools now cater to the lowest student instead of challenging the higher ones. I'm not saying that we need to not assist children that have harder times with subjects. But there's a line. We should be able to both not overwhelm some while also not letting the smartest kid sleep in the back of the class and still get straight As. But I digress.

The point is colleges DO NOT do that. They don't care if you are taking 12 or 24 hours. They don't care if you have a job, or are in tons of clubs, or if you value sleep in your life. Something that just comes with college is the occasional feeling that you're just going to fail no matter what.

I just recently experienced this emotion for the first time in my first year at college. Let me tell you, it's jarring. I had to buy myself a pizza just to get over it. But, eventually, the total feeling of loss leaves and you're left with the thought that, it's ok. The point of college is to sometimes fail. Thats what taking pass/fail classes and Q dropping classes is for.

Lesson of the day kids: Failing sucks. But it's never something you can't move on from.

Stay beautiful,
Tori